desertwind

Strange but true: When trying to make life changes, most people violate the most fundamental law in all of psychology. 

It's called the “law of effect,” and it simply states that actions resulting in rewards are strengthened and likely to recur. Sound obvious? Yes. Everyone does it? No. In fact, most people do the opposite.

Consider the dieter who sticks to her diet for two weeks, and then has a setback by eating ice cream. She should reward herself for two weeks of solid progress, forgive her minor setback, and get back to focusing on her diet. But it is a far more common reaction to mentally beat herself up for "breaking" her diet, give up, and pig out.

The same process happens all the time for people trying to quit smoking, build businesses, or make any kind of life change. Instead of rewarding progress, we overlook it. Instead of forgiving our setbacks, we dwell on them, and use them as reasons to quit.

One way to avoid this tendency is to create a system of rewards for your own personal success, a technique psychologists call “contingency management.” Research shows it is one of the most powerful techniques for personal change, but one of the least commonly used. It has proven effective in aiding all kinds of life changes, including:

  - Weight loss
  - Smoking cessation
  - Battling depression
  - Boosting confidence
  - Writing productivity
  - Sticking to prescribed medical regimens

Self-rewards are easy to set up. Identify an important goal, and a few rewards that you value, perhaps dinner at a nice restaurant, an afternoon hike, a small shopping spree, etc.  If the goal is relatively modest, then reward yourself for achieving the goal (a “bonus” system). If the goal is more ambitious, identify a key milestone (e.g., making it halfway) or some measure of progress (e.g., ten hours of goal-directed work per week), and reward yourself for that progress. This is called a “piece-rate” system.

Consider a few examples. Writer Jack London committed himself to writing at least 1000 words a day, and rewarded himself by drinking in saloons. No 1000 words, no booze. For him, it was a very motivating system.

In institutional settings like mental hospitals, psychologists often create formal reward systems called “token economies.” Patients receive plastic coins or tokens for engaging in appropriate behaviors such as getting up on time, cleaning their rooms, or cooperating with others. They can then “spend” those tokens on rewards like watching TV, taking trips into town, or upgrading to a nicer bedroom.

If you try to create a formal self-reward system, you'll find the most common stumbling block is “contract infidelity” – making a self-reward plan, but not sticking to it. Usually this means giving yourself the reward without accomplishing the goal.

To avoid this problem, try the “refund & deposit” technique. Suppose you want to lose 10 pounds. Give a good friend $500, and have him or her return the money at the rate of $50 per pound lost. This system rewards progress, minimizes contract infidelity, and makes instant gratification a positive force for change.

There are many natural rewards to losing weight, like looking and feeling better. Unfortunately, those rewards are months into the future. Pizza, in contrast, can be delivered in 30 minutes or less. The deposit-and-refund method makes instant gratification work for you -- lose just one pound, and get an immediate reward.

This process can work with small amounts of money, and brings other success dynamics into play, like public commitment and social support. Consider this example from a college student who applied the deposit-and-refund method to his goal of participating more in class:

     “I gave a good friend five dollars... He would give it back to me one dollar at a

      time after he had checked my records... to see if I had spoken up in class according

      to my goals. Two other friends... displayed a lot of interest in my self-modification

      plan, and this put some social pressure on me. They would also compliment me

      when I reported my results... They seemed to set off a positive emotional response

      in me that was very motivating.”  (quote from from Watson & Tharp's Self-Directed

       Behavior: Self-Modification for Personal Adjustment). 

This technique can have lasting effects. One study found that weight lost using this process was maintained for a year, even though the self-reward period lasted only a few months. For even greater effectiveness, identify a group of friends with similar ambitions, and use the deposit-and-refund method as a team.

The bottom line: People who reward their progress achieve more, and are happier, than those who don't. It doesn't matter whether you reward yourself informally, or use the deposit-and-refund method. What matters is avoiding the common pattern of overlooking success, and beating yourself up over setbacks.

by Dr. Stephen Kraus, Success Scientist

Learning how to manage your feelings and behaviors takes work and
practice. However, one simple way to get started is to develop "coping
statements" to counter upsetting thoughts. Coping statements are somewhat
like affirmations, but they are not necessarily positive ideas. Rather,
they are realistic or reality based. Coping statements are usually
challenges to specific upsetting thoughts, although you can use them any
time.

The idea hëre is to stop yourself whenever you feel upset, anxious,
worried, depressed, angry, guilty, ashamed, frustrated and so on. You can
also use undesired urges or behavior, like procrastination, smokïng,
drinking or drugging, as a cue to start the process. Catch yourself, then
try to observe what thoughts are running through your mind. Take a sheet
of paper and divide it in half vertically. On the left side of the sheet,
write out whatever thoughts you have observed.

Once you have identified the offending thoughts, just try changing them.
As you get into this more, you will probably want to learn how to dispute
or evaluate your thoughts on several levels, but the simple förm of this
exercise is to change the thoughts in any way that helps you feel or
behave differently. Keep trying different alternatives until you find one
that works for you. Hëre are some examples to help you get started:

1. Upsetting Thought: I'm going to fail.

Realistic Alternative: I'll probably do all right, but even if I don't,
it's not the end of the world.

2. Upsetting Thought: I can't stand it.

Realistic Alternative: I don't like it, but I can stand it.

3. Upsetting Thought: I'll nevër amount to anything.

Realistic Alternative: It may be difficult, but if I try, I can accomplish
a lot.

4. Upsetting Thought: That's awful.

Realistic Alternative: It's bad, but it could be much worse.

5. Upsetting Thought: I must be a loser because this person doesn't like
me.

Realistic Alternative: I want to be liked, but not everyone will like me.

6. Upsetting Thought: I need love.

Realistic Alternative: I want love, but I can live without it.

7. Upsetting Thought: That S.O. B.!

Realistic Alternative: I don't like some of his actions, but he is not all
bad.

8. Upsetting Thought: I'm not in the mood to do that.

Realistic Alternative: Tough! If I want the advantages of doing this, I
had better go ahead and get it out of the way.

9. Upsetting Thought: I'm going to get fired.

Realistic Alternative: I might be fired, but probably won't be. Being
fired would be a setback, but I can deal with it.

10. Upsetting Thought: I need a drink.

Realistic Alternative: I want a drink, but I don't need it. I might feel
better nöw, but I'll regret it tomorrow.

Hopefully, you get the idea. Try it! I think you will like the results.
Not only will you feel better, but you will probably find that you have a
lot more energy to put into solving the real problems in your life, not
just wasting energy on getting needlessly upset.

by Robert F. Sarmiento, Ph.D. ©