desertwind

By Emily Bermes

Communication in relationships comes up a lot in personal and professional coaching sessions. In their quests for a fulfilling, successful, accomplished, meaningful lives; my clients have to interact with the opposite sex - it's true. And in doing so, they often get smacked in the head with the differences in communicative style and focus of their opposite sex partner. Not knowing the most fundamental differences in masculine and feminine communication is like trying to speak American English in Ireland. A lot of information will translate; and quite a bit of it won't. So here are the basics. Take what's useful for your own professional development and self-improvement. These tips work at home and on the job.

In the most basic sense, men tend communicate by doing things and for the sake of accomplishing a task. They show affection through favors, solving problems, and physical gestures. They also expect to see a tangible outcome from a dialogue. They tend to give advice and share opinions as a gesture of affection... unfortunately women typically find this offensive.

Women, on the other hand, tend to communicate for the sake of social connection. They share thoughts and feelings; and see "bonding" as a sufficient and desirable outcome for communication. Women also tend to talk in a really elaborate, detailed verbal pattern. Unfortunately, this drives men nuts.

Married people, co-workers, and even opposite sex family members misunderstand each other - this is very common. In fact, "inability to communicate" is the number one reason cited for divorce. The good news is there are ways to improve the communication that takes place between men and women. Here are some simple tips.

• Give your partner clues about what you need. Ask simply and directly for the listening and speaking behaviors you are wanting at that time. If you want quiet listening and support, but no advice, just say so. If you want a more succinct account of a situation, ask for it (gently).

   

• Try to interpret your partner's communication via their learned rules and tendencies. Their behaviors will not translate correctly if you're using your rules to interpret them. Batman and Wonder Woman do not use the same decoder ring; neither should you.

   

• Resist the temptation to criticize their communication. For a long time society (and even researchers) looked at feminine communication as "right" and masculine as "wrong." The truth is... they both work fine. Criticism will only deepen the divide.

   

• Learn to be bi-lingual. Develop competencies in masculine and feminine communication styles, so that no matter who you talk to, and in what context, you can speak the language that works. Research proves the most successful people do.

Here are some other generalizations about the way men and women communicate (these are not blanket truths, just statistical tendencies)...

Men

• Listen while doing something else, and provide advice and/or tactical support
• Tend to prefer direct, succinct language that is not very detailed
• Tend to be competitive
• Men tend to need make up sex before they can 'talk about it'
• Show affection by doing things for those they care about
• Talk most comfortably while side by side, or while engaged in an activity
• Focus on task needs of a situation

Women

• Tend to listen by nodding, making noises that show they are interested, and by sympathizing
• Tend to use elaborate, detailed language
• Tend to be cooperative
• Need to 'talk about it' before they want to have make up sex
• Show affection verbally by sharing thoughts and feelings
• Talk most comfortably while sitting face to face, doing nothing else that could interfere with the dialogue
• Focus on the social or emotional needs of a situation

Continue learning to interpret your partner's communication, ask for what you want/need, and increase your competencies in each communication style. You can indeed bridge the gender gap.

By Debbie Piltin

The importance of good health cannot be ignored. Without good health we leave ourselves susceptible to dangerous diseases and a shortened life span. Good health is fairly easy to achieve, but you must make certain changes in your life style that may seem difficult at first. The main thing to remember is to start off slowly and don't try to change everything at once.

The most important facet of good health is adequate exercise. Exercises help us achieve good health by strengthening our cardio-vascular system, strengthening our muscle mass and reducing the affect of stress on the body. To ensure that exercises do not appear to be chores, it is best to find exercises that you enjoy doing rather than those that you dread. For those who prefer to be outdoors, trekking, hiking, jogging or running may be the appropriate exercise to take up. On the other hand, for those who enjoy swimming, membership to a local pool may be the answer.

Alternate methods of exercises are slowly becoming very popular. Amongst those that are really catching on is yoga. This is a very popular form of exercise that helps to strengthen your body, helps you lose weight, and is great as a stress reliever. Another alternate exercise is Pilates that addresses the core strength of your abdominals. The main point is that whatever your interest may be, you are sure to find an alternate form of exercise that would ensure good health.

Poor eating habits are a precursor to poor health. Healthy eating is very important in achieving and maintaining good health. Those who have poor eating habits should slowly change by taking steps such as adding a small salad to your dinner, or a piece of fruit for dessert rather than ice cream. The aim is to slowly change the eating habits by making sure that the bulk of what you consume is nutritious and full of vitamins and minerals. Moderation in whatever you do is the key to success.

A primary type of food to avoid when you want to 'eat right' is processed food. We all find it most convenient to open a packet of pre-packaged frozen food and pop it in the microwave to have a complete meal. Such a meal however is far from complete and does nothing for good health.

As a healthier choice, try making several nutritious meals on Sunday night and freezing portions of them to eat next week. This way you have the convenience of fast meals but you also know what's gone into them. Just by making small changes such as this you can be eating healthier in no time.

The two big-time killers of good health are smoking and drinking. A few drinks now and again are fine, and small amounts of red wine are actually good for you, but there is no such exception for smoking. You need to reduce your drinking and you have to quit smoking. Smoking is dangerous not only to your health but also to the health of those around you. The good news is that as you quit smoking, the body commences the task of repairing all the damage that has occurred over the years.

It is easy to achieve good health. All it takes is making some changes to your diet and lifestyle. Start by taking the stairs at work instead of getting in the elevator. Or switch that favorite lunchtime meal of hamburger and fries for a wrap and a salad. Small, easy changes are the best way to start. By making these changes now you can enjoy good health well into your golden years.