Wednesday, 24 August 2005
Other People's Relationships
Two friends of yours decide to split up.
They ask for your advice.
You get involved. You try to help.
Next week they are back together again –
and they both hate you!
What's the lesson here?
Be careful when offering friends
advice on their relationships!
It's a minefield!
IN A NUTSHELL
The only people who REALLY know
what is going on in a relationship
are the two people in it!
- Andrew Matthews
http://www.seashell.com.au/PastNewsletters.asp?IssueID=51
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Thursday, 18 August 2005
Compliments
Do you like it when someone tells you:
"You did a great job", or
"You are a wonderful friend."
Most people do!
Most people feel that their efforts go unnoticed.
Most people feel under-loved.
So when you give them a compliment like:
"That is a stunning outfit!"
"You are an inspiring teacher."
"You have a beautiful smile!"
you light up their day - or their whole week.
Of course, some people are embarrassed by compliments.
They might even disagree with you.
But you can bet they appreciate your kind words -
they just don't know how to say, "thank you".
Compliment them anyway!
And here's the big bonus to giving compliments:
It makes YOU happier.
One key point on giving praise...
A compliment is different to flattery!
Flattery is insincere.
A compliment is SINCERE RECOGNITION of someone's qualities.
People know the difference.
Want to be happier?
Every day, aim to give one person a compliment.
IN A NUTSHELL
In life, you find what you look for.
If you look for good things, you find them.
If you look for faults, you find them.
Your happiness depends on what you DECIDE to notice.
- Andrew Matthews
http://www.seashell.com.au/PastNewsletters.asp?IssueID=53
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Monday, 15 August 2005
What Is Most Important
20% of your neighbours make 80% of the noise.
20% of the people in your office do 80% of the work.
This is the 80/20 rule. You'll see it everywhere!
In 1897 an Italian economist called Pareto discovered that 20% of people in England had 80% of the money. He also found that 20% of pea pods in his garden produced 80% of his peas. Now he is famous!
His Pareto Principle predicts that ... in any situation, just a few things are much more important than all the rest.
This means:
In business: 20% of customers give you 80% of the profits.
Look after that 20%!
For students: 20% of a book's pages contain 80% of the information. Concentrate on that 20% - then read the next book.
For you: YOUR DAILY TASKS ARE NOT EQUALLY IMPORTANT. If you have ten jobs to do today, two of them will be more critical than the other eight!
Every day, figure out the 20%. Do those things FIRST.
Simply making a "to do list" is not good enough. Unless you target the 20%, you can waste 80% of your time!
Average people put average effort into lots of things. Achievers put major effort into key things.
You can't do everything - but you can do the 20%. Don't lose sleep over the 80%.
IN A NUTSHELL
It's not just the amount of effort that matters, but where you put it.
- Andrew Matthews
http://www.seashell.com.au/PastNewsletters.asp?IssueID=43
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Wednesday, 10 August 2005
Just Do It!
Two months ago my buddy Colin Martin hopped on a bicycle and rode across North America. Vancouver to New York, 7136 kilometres ... just for the fun of it.
He had plenty of excuses NOT to do it.
a) It wasn't cheap. He had to fly to America. He had to quit work for 2 months.
b) It wasn't convenient. He has three young children.
c) He is 53.
But Colin says: "No time is a perfect time. If you really want to do something, you have to put the time aside, and then just do it."
AN INTERESTING LIFE DOESN'T JUST HAPPEN TO YOU. You choose it. You plan it.
Peter Manuel is the principal at my old school, Victor Harbor High. Aged 18, Peter decided to learn a new skill each year of his life.
He is now 59. He has learned carpentry, pottery, tried drama, painted watercolours, learned some German, studied plastics, learned how to lay bricks ...
Says Peter: "That decision changed my life. At some things, like piano, I was terrible - but I had fun trying!"
If there is something you really want to do, no time will ever be perfect.
IN A NUTSHELL
What do you really want to do?
What will you do today to make it happen?
- Andrew Matthews
http://www.seashell.com.au/PastNewsletters.asp?IssueID=40
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Tuesday, 09 August 2005
What We Have
Imagine if we discovered life on Mars - even if it was only a tiny bug, or an ant ...
People would go bananas! Splashed across the front page of every newspaper would be headlines ... "THERE'S LIFE OUT THERE!"
The scientists would be ecstatic, "Another species!"
Now here's what's strange ... Twenty seven thousand of the earth's species of birds, plants, animals and insects became extinct last year.
That story never made the headlines.
Our tigers and pandas and frogs are disappearing. Meanwhile, we look for signs of life in outer space!
How often do we overlook the great things we have - and we go looking for new stuff? (We do the same thing in relationships!)
When we finally realise what we had, it's gone.
IN A NUTSHELL
The first trick to happiness - and success - is to appreciate what we've already got.
- Andrew Matthews
http://www.seashell.com.au/PastNewsletters.asp?IssueID=35
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Sunday, 07 August 2005
Kick The Worry Habit
We worry about our jobs, our children … and what the neighbours think!
Some people will even tell you,
"You SHOULD worry!"
But worrying is WORSE THAN USELESS!
Firstly, it attracts misfortune.
Secondly, it is bad for your health!
So what should you do about worry?
Postpone it!
Take action FIRST ...
and postpone worry indefinitely.
That’s what effective people do.
Whenever you want to worry, ask yourself,
"What is the problem right this second?"
Guess what you’ll find …
Unless you are in a life threatening situation,
you don't have a problem!
Of course, disasters do happen.
Illness happens.
Financial crises happen.
That’s no reason to live life like a frightened rabbit.
When crises come, you can deal with them MOMENT BY MOMENT.
It's only when your mind drifts into the future that it crushes you.
And your mind will want to drag you into the future!
Stay in the present!
Do whatever you can do today - and leave worry out of it.
Look at your life.
Has there ever been a situation that you didn't survive?
There hasn't!
You can handle the present.
It's just the future that gives you trouble!
IN A NUTSHELL
When it comes to worry, procrastinate!
When someone asks, "Aren't you worried about that?"
tell them, "I've been meaning to worry about it –
but I didn't get around to it!"
- Andrew Matthews
http://www.seashell.com.au/PastNewsletters.asp?IssueID=47
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Saturday, 06 August 2005
Prosperity
Some people seem to get respect wherever they go - whether they are in a department store or at the doctor's or in a hotel lobby ...
What's their secret? They treat themselves well - and other people follow. People respect you when you respect you.
My wife, Julie, says, "Everything affects everything else.
The way you walk affects the way you talk.
The way you dress affects the way you feel.
Respect yourself and you will be respected by others."
A fellow asked her, "How can I possibly improve my apartment? All I can spare is $20."
Julie said, "Buy a broom!"
Your home affects the way you feel. Create a space that will uplift you when you walk in the front door. Neatness costs nothing. Better to live in a one-room apartment that is clean, than in a mansion that's a mess.
It costs nothing to keep a clean bedroom, office, car.
How can you feel like a mover and shaker when you have holes in your underwear - or when your toes are poking out of your socks?
Fred says: "When I get successful, I'll quit living like a rat!" Wrong, Fred! To be a success you have to begin to live it, you have to feel it now.
IN A NUTSHELL
People treat you as you treat you.
- Andrew Matthews
http://www.seashell.com.au/PastNewsletters.asp?IssueID=26
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Wednesday, 03 August 2005
Words & Thoughts
Imagine a boxer stepping into the ring, and telling himself:
"I'm a loser. I'm a chicken!"
How long would he last?
Imagine a singer walking onstage, and telling herself:
"I'm pathetic! They'll hate me!"
How well would she sing?
It's a recipe for disaster.
Yet, lots of us use this same recipe every day. We tell ourselves:
"I'm fat."
"I have a rotten memory."
"I'm always broke."
"I'm an idiot."
Then we wonder why we fail!
If you expect to forget, you will forget!
If you expect to be broke, you will stay broke.
If you expect to behave like an idiot ...
So how do we start to think positively?
The first step is to watch your mouth! Notice what you SAY about yourself.
From today, NEVER SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT YOURSELF.
Never tell people: "I'm hopeless, I always screw up, my boyfriends always dump me ..."
Make a commitment: "From today, I will not criticise myself. If I have nothing good to say about me, I will keep my mouth shut."
It's hard to control our thoughts - but we CAN control what comes out of our mouth. Once we take control of our language, we begin to have more positive thoughts ... and life gets better.
IN A NUTSHELL
We become what we think about!
- Andrew Matthews
http://www.seashell.com.au/PastNewsletters.asp?IssueID=41
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Tuesday, 02 August 2005
Wishing For Things
Lots of us use visualisation to achieve goals.
It's where you:
a) choose a goal, and then
b) continue to imagine yourself with the goal already achieved - until you actually achieve it.
Whether you want to:
* lose weight
* gain confidence, or
* get better at anything
experts agree that visualisation works. "As you think, so you become."
Regularly picturing success - AND putting in the necessary effort - hastens results.
So we might ask, "Why not just WISH for things?" Isn't that similar?
No!
Visualising means:
- You choose a goal, eg. a flat stomach, an interesting job, a change of lifestyle.
- You picture your goal already achieved in the present moment.
- This image becomes fixed in your subconscious.
- You continue to work toward your goal.
- You keep moving forwards.
- You tell yourself, "I hate what I've got."
- You wish for more money, or more happiness or Brad Pitt.
- Your mind drifts around in the future.
- You have no strategy.
- Nothing happens.
Key point: we change our life by putting energy into the PRESENT MOMENT.
When we wish for things, our mind is in the FUTURE.
So the more we wish for things, the more we stay STUCK!
Don't wish! No matter how bad your situation! Set your goal, make a plan, picture your improvement, put in the effort.
In the meantime, be happy with what you have got.
While you are saving for the Ferrari, be happy with the old clunker.
IN A NUTSHELL
As you think, so you become.
As you wish, so you become ... frustrated.
- Andrew Matthews
http://www.seashell.com.au/PastNewsletters.asp?IssueID=45
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Thursday, 28 July 2005
Ask
People who GET WHAT THEY WANT
in life have something in common …
They know how to ASK for what they want.
It makes perfect sense.
If you want something, try asking!
Kids know how to ask –
and when grown-ups say, "No!",
kids don’t take it personally.
We can learn from children!
YOUR success and happiness depend
on you ASKING for things …
… for small things …
"May I have a refund?"
"Can you reschedule my appointment?"
"Will you go out with me on a date?"
… and for big things …
"Can I WORK for you?"
"Will you MARRY me?"
Other people aren’t mind readers.
Often, they will happily agree to your request –
if they just KNOW what you want.
If you never ask –
if you suffer in silence –
if you always act the martyr and allow yourself to go without –
your stomach keeps count.
Asking for what you want keeps you happier and healthier.
Ask more often and more good things will happen for you.
IN A NUTSHELL
If you ask for it, you just might get it!
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